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Can I tell you how I died?
Why it rhymes with suicide.

Not because, I fell ill.
Not because, I swallowed pills.

Soon you'll see why I lie still.

Not because, I have drowned.
Not because of, Russian Roulette's

last round.

Deaf words of mine,
preach no sound.

Not because, the fault of life
Not because, the sharpened knife.

Real reason, why, tears went dry.

Not because, I jumped to fall.
Not because, this body I mauled.

The more I remember,
the harder too recall.

The true answer is i'm,

alive.

But to me,

the meaning of suicide:

Is
 that
  you
   left
     me
      dead
        inside.
This has no relevance to my feelings, it was just a poem that flowed through my mind in the shower so I decided to write it :/
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkumamichi:
you showed that suicide is not was has been done but a person died on the inside a thought it point less to live on the outside that they just broke and couldn’t wouldn’t take it any more so now they lie dead like your poem says
it is truly a beautiful poem that deserves respect and has great Technique and a heavy impact but i do suggest you write about what is relevant to your feelings so that it means something to you so you can forever cherish it and so you write with passion i loved it though
What do you think?
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4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconshaymind:
shaymind Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
my first though was honestly "genocide rhymes with suicide". a skilled poem, though expecting genocide weakened the impact- so it's not an idiot proof poem(though what is?). still, it was intrugining, and quite moving despite my idioticy.
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I put that word in that poem? I don't remember such things
Reply
:iconshaymind:
shaymind Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
"Can I tell you how I died? ~ Why it rhymes with suicide. " - from the poem.  ~ indicating line breaks like in enter.

my imidiate reaction: "genocide rhymes with suicide". i'd say i have a morbid mind, but it's really more like a jailbreaked one- the safeties turned off so it'll go dark as causually as it'll go light.
Reply
:iconmsqueenb:
MsQueenB Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2013
heavy, thats all i can say :)
Reply
:iconxanatos-leo:
Xanatos-Leo Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is beautiful ;-; and means a lot <3
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks 
Reply
:iconxanatos-leo:
Xanatos-Leo Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
no prob ^^ <3
Reply
:iconisleintheskye:
IsleintheSkye Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Student Writer
Perfect, absolutely without cliche!
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you so much and for the watch your too kind
Reply
:iconisleintheskye:
IsleintheSkye Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconiislost:
iislost Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is maybe the 3rd or 4th poem of yours ive read im not sure what it is about your poems, their.. well strangely soothing, i suppose to others they might seem morbid or dark but to me they just seem innocent. kind of like when you ask a child whats the difference between wrong and right, they'd just answer something like "the adults dont like one" anyway.... yeah i love your poetry i hope you keep writing.
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh thank you, I plan on it. And maybe because my real nature as a person is very kind and soft, I may enjoy the more horror style of writing and some, "Dark" But some days i'll just be hit with a new poem and write it. but thank you again for the nice comment
Reply
:iconcandyzombielord:
candyzombielord Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Even though it was thought of in the shower. it was a powerful poem still.
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you! For your attention too your always on my poems e3e
Reply
:iconcandyzombielord:
candyzombielord Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
^^.
Reply
:iconame-pame:
Ame-pame Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow this is beautiful! I usually scroll through all the poems but this one just caught my eye and I had to stop and read it. Don't regret stopping one bit :D Love it!
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow thank you! ^^ Even though I like my other works better >.> seems the works I don't like others do..hm..thanks again
Reply
:iconame-pame:
Ame-pame Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha how interesting, maybe you underestimate yourself?
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
nah, I just like writing about horror, and other works vs other topics
Reply
:iconloverofmythology:
loverofmythology Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
wow, this is really amazing!
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconvellusz:
vellusz Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nice flow and rhyme. Can't say much about the actual words -- seems a bit heavy handed.
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I had issues with writing this one blah, but thanks
Reply
:iconcoldcaptivated:
ColdCaptivated Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Wow I like this ^^ I usually dont like poetry <3
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you! That means extra then haha
Reply
:iconcoldcaptivated:
ColdCaptivated Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
No problem ^^ hehe
Reply
:iconmysteriouskino:
MysteriousKino Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013
Whoa.
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Not my style I know, thanks though
Reply
:iconthewickedkid:
TheWickedKid Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
I feel like you could have written a very good poem using the same basic ideas with this.

You use a lot of rhyme, and some repetition, but there isn't anything holding it together. It's very discombobulated; maybe you should either find a rhythm and stick with it, or alter the rhyme scheme to better fit the poem.

I wouldn't bother italicizing the rhyming words, but you can if you want.

In the middle of the poem, there are numerous breaks in grammar that detract from the poem itself, mainly because they are very noticeable.

"Not because of, Russian Roulette's

last round."
Notice here you use the word 'of.' It breaks rhythm, but it is grammatically correct. (Except for the comma.)

"Not because, the fault of life
Not because, the sharpened knife. "
Here, the examples you use just don't quite fit in with the original idea of the poem.

And I'm going to stop for now, because I have to leave the house.
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hm, thank you
Reply
:iconyoursingingsatellite:
yoursingingsatellite Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I like it. A few grammatical and punctuation mistakes make some lines hard to understand. But good structure and creative idea. Brings a lot of impact overall
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah I'm still working on it :/ but thankS!
Reply
:iconstarnoyume:
starnoyume Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013
This is amazing, I love it!
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't like to do suicide or death themes, but thank you!
Reply
:iconquirkybrainiac:
QuirkyBrainiac Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah, some of the best creative thoughts come when you have no paper and pencil... another great piece!
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'd actually prefere ink and quill no joke but hey lol w/e
Reply
:iconquirkybrainiac:
QuirkyBrainiac Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Right on!! Preferred nib?
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hmmm..hard to say acutally.
Reply
:iconquirkybrainiac:
QuirkyBrainiac Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
What was the last one you used?
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
To be honest I have no clue, I just had a set of it years ago. I'm rebuying some of the stuff on amazon.
Reply
:iconquirkybrainiac:
QuirkyBrainiac Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah, I gotcha. And yes, Amazon... best thing ever!! :D
Reply
:icondeepizzaguy:
Deepizzaguy Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Student Writer
It is very original. Usually the reason dies is because they feel they have no reason to live. It is from the movie "Rocky V" when the late Burgress Meredith in a flashback talks to his prize boxer Rocky Balboa.
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I remember that part, yes. And thank you for your observation I appreciate it.
Reply
:icondeepizzaguy:
Deepizzaguy Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student Writer
Glad to be of service to you.
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
^^
Reply
:iconthebloodyepicpumpkin:
TheBloodyEpicPumpkin Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Student Writer
On the line: "Not because, I jumped too fall. "
Do you mean to instead of too?
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ah yes sorry I do that a lot i'l l fix that thank you
Reply
:icontrueukegirl:
Trueukegirl Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is great!
Reply
:iconellen-souler:
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the nice comment! :3
Reply
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